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| i tried to be someone else... but nothing seems to change.. i know now this is who i really am..
i thought i was happy. i thought i had everything in the palm of my hands.. i never knew that everything was going to turn up this way. history has a funny way of repeating itself time and again, making things repeat as they are, even more intensified... that repeated successes turn out to be fountains of joys that spew out hope for most... and repeated mistakes turn out to be scythes that rip out every inkling of hope that the heart could ever bear...
yet again images and screams come to my head whenever i start thinking alone in my room... these bothering coincidences take over my consciousness and leave me empty, apathetic and unfeeling... i feel as if i'm already going through the consequences that lie wait for me at the gates of what i've done, even though i have yet a long way to go from them...
i find myself yet again locked up in this darkened room of silence, where noises can only be heard from inside the head.. for every throb, every pang of pain, there is always that silent scream that keeps me from sleeping...
goodevening everyone. i never thought i'd return.. but yet again here i am... as always...
miserable.
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| Draw. Today marks the last week of my summer vacation and i haven't gotten anything done on devART. The truth sucks, but yeah, my mind's stuck on vacation mode this time.
Irritate. Bad day, my clothes got wet (splashed by a damn CR-V), my sketchpad and regform were soaked (yes.. it was THAT much water) but, at least it went better towards the end. Bkt kya? *winks*
Stitch. :3
Bake. Okay, i know im not much of a sweet tooth but ive suddenly developed a craving for cupcakes. I'd like a dark one with marshmallows on top... or i could actually bake one.
Lampa. Oo na jops, lampa nako.
Tech. Yes, ive got a new cel! And it actually works! For the first time, i wouldn't have to climb up out of my house just to send a text message.
Broke. Well, that pretty much says it.
Wonder. I wonder what would happen if things were different? how many marshmallows will it take for the perfect cupcake? how to get my phone working the way i want it to? how people draw using pencils?
._.
-richy.
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| name 13 songs in your mind and answer the following questions. as usual from friendster. ripped from teng.
1) Boxcar Racer - There Is
2) Siam Shade - Virtuoso
3) Paramore - Pressure
4) Taking Back Sunday - My Blue Heaven
5) 30 Seconds from Mars - Attack
6) Muse - Hysteria
7) Finch - Without You Here
8) Underoath - In Regards to Myself
9) The Used - Bulimic
10) The Early November - The Rest of My Life
11) The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel
12) +44 - Make You Smile
13) Saosin - Sleepers
who do u remember when u hear no. 4?
is this all too familiar? does it happen all the time?
i'm just asking "would you hear me? could you please just once, just hear me?"
more than everything, you wanted to be right..
but it's you, you, you i can't deny.
someone i really liked, and possibly loved, but never gotten around to really speak to me..
does no.8 make u happy?
wake up wake up my god,
this is not a test
and it's not too late to come clean, get it off your chest
so steady your hand before your face and concentrate,
there's got to be some stable ground left to walk on
so tear another page from the book
are you asleep or just alone
clear this room from your lungs.
it wakes me up.. or puts me to sleep.
has no. 3 made u cry?
somethings i'll never know
and I had to let them go
makes me think. not cry.
in what occasion did you hear no. 9?
i’m about to see a million things i thought i’d never seen before,
and i...i’m about to do all of the things i dreamed of and
i don’t even miss you at all
when i rented a 'the used' cd from my friend.
do u miss no.10?
all my life I've waited for days that wait for days that wait forever
all this waitin' never got me paid but I don't want money 'cause it gets you faster
no, not really. i'm still listening to it right now.
which lyrics do u like the best from no.1?
with ever single letter, and every single word.
there will be a hidden message about a boy that loves a girl.
i can relate to it.. i mean, that .. i'm never heard. relate to question about song #4.
do u imagine something when u hear no.2?
--- (lyrics less)
yes. http://gravitycircle.deviantart.com almost all of them are made while listening to this song.
who do u remember when u hear no. 6?
yeah its holding me, morphing me
and forcing me to strive
to be endlessly cold within
and dreaming I'm alive.
me.
when was the last time u heard no .11?
please don't walk away, and, please tell me you'll stay...
five minutes before starting to write this entry.
who told u about no. 8?
i found it while surfing for Underoath songs.
do u often sing no.11?
yes.
have u sung no.7 to anyone?
i'm waiting till it's over, it's over now...
i wish.
does no. 10 inspire ur life?
passed out from this use of the sunlight,
without a mechanical device
anymore, comfort rolls in a pack of twenty
with all the hands to protect you
from the ghouls and the bears
and uncomfortable stares
that will illegally taunt you..
not really. but the sarcasm does.
does no. 5 tell about ur feelings?
i won't suffer, be broken
get tired, or wasted
surrender to nothing
i'll give up what I
started
and stopped it
from end to beginning
a new day is coming
and I am finaly free.
run away, run away.. i'll attack.
run away, run away, go chase yourself.
toward a selected few, yes.
what do u feel wen u hear no.7?
i'm waiting till it's over, it's over now
regret.
do u smile when u hear no 11?
it's the opposite.
when was the first time u heard no.1?
3rd year high.
if u could dedicate no. 9 to someone, who would it be?
goodbye to you, good bye to you!
you're taking up my time..
goodbye to you, good bye to you!!
guh! nevermind this part.
does no 7 mean a lot to u?
not really.
what's so special about no 2?
the solos. mmmm ._.
would u sing no.1 to anyone? to who?
those notes you wrote me,
i've kept them all,
i've given a lot of thought of how to
write you back this fall...
no i won't.
does no.8 remind u of someone?
... not really.
what memory comes to ur mind when u hear no.5?
i would’ve kept you forever
but we had to sever
it ended for both of us
faster than a...
kill off this thinking
it’s starting to sink in
i’m losing control now
but without you I am finaly free
driving to school.
do u want to hear no 12 right now?
the first time i saw you, you turned away...
as always, yes.
can u remember clearly the first time u heard no 13?
i've overheard it once
this has gone on before
it's still one in the same
(when you're accounted for)
we seem so far away from
these things we used to know
we seem so far away from everything we are
no. i just heard this off a classmate's cd player (in class).
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| it seems so different after things have happened. one morning i feel great, the next week of mornings i feel like crap. all i want right now is something to be happy about. after the passing, all i wanted to do was to be alone.. and yet i feel that emptiness that resides in me when i am.. who am i? am i deserving to live? am i more deserving to live than those who already died? im nothing but a cloud of insignificant dust in this world, someone who has the potential but is afraid to use it. i've been keeping myself away from those who are important to me.. i want to be with them... but being with them makes me see myself as someone who isn't deserving of their presence.. i guess i'm not who you thought i am. i am not a good person. even i make mistakes on where to put myself as in descriptions. i'm erratic i know that. and i'm a real good wreck at that too. my heart is yours. or is it? i want to dedicate myself to someone so badly.. but i'm afraid that i might lose them in the end. i've already lost someone dear to me thrice.. and the third one was the worst... i don't want to lose someone im completely attached to again.. it takes a part of me away... and the bleeding that will take effect after that brings thoughts that i don't even want to think about alive... i guess i'm just waiting for something to happen. let me be in his place for once.. and accept the end as it is... without any other choice... even if i would be given a choice, it wouldn't matter, the acceptance will still be there. i don't know if i want to live or if i want to die... but if the chance permits it, and it seems to be right beside me, i'll accept it as it is.. just.. make it quick. i don't like to wait. yes i'm busy but i want to go away where i can be alone. i'm not ready.. and i don't think i'll be after a long time.. so don't wait for me. think what you want of me, no matter what it is, i guess i deserve it. i stay away because i am in a place where i can't hurt you more... i hope you understand.. but it's better if you don't.. i don't deserve second thoughts. if anyone's asking me if i'm okay.. i guess my answer would be.. "yes i am. but i want to just shrivel up and die." | | |
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